Monday, March 23, 2015
Monday ~ March 23 ~ GOD'S DELAYS ARE NOT GOD'S DENIALS
Monday ~ March 23
Well my bag is packed and we're in the countdown stage now. . . . today is the day that I meditate on all the things God has put in my heart over the last 2 months.... as I prepare for surgery day tomorrow.
The Believer's prayers have truly been my source of calm through it all.... when many times I could have been afraid or anxious.... Prayer held me up. I have actually "felt" the prayer covering over me. It comforted me... protected me... it help to guide me... and it lead Nurses and Doctor's and Tech's to show favor over me....it's been amazing.
I have wondered a few times why God has allowed the amount of time that has passed before actually getting to the surgery. It's been 2 months since learning, through the Biopsy. that I have Uterine cancer. And though we haven't stopped at all at the process of getting to this point...it just seems people I've known that find out they have cancer ...right away the surgery is done.... I don't know why now... but I sense in my Spirit that there is a reason for the 2 months. I know for sure my faith has been encouraged...and my trust level in God has been raised to a place I've never seen Him before.... there is still something important I don't fully understand about it all. But I believe I will.
I know God uses His delays to teach us to trust Him more fully and to submit more thoroughly to His Lordship over our lives and it's getting our will in alignment with His will.
He often has to delay His work in us in order to accomplish something for His purposes that can be achieved only in the delay.
I've learned through the years that God's delays usually fall in these categories...
to prepare us. . . .to test us . . . and to train us. No doubt He's been at work this whole time...with both Harold and I. Harold has had to leave his comfort zone as well. God had to make us "uncomfortable" so that we would find our comfort in Him.
God, by Your Spirit and Your Word, guide me a step at a time on Your path. I know You are not in a hurry and neither should I be. You are building my faith as well as putting together the end result.
¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
Thursday, March 19, 2015
March 18~ PRE-OP DAY
Wednesday ~ March 18
March 18 ~ 8:18 am ~
Ok on our way to Nola for Surgery Pre-Op.... Had a tough night .... My lower back hurt so bad all night long .... Didn't sleep much! Guess from having to lay still on my back for 6 hours after the Angiogram.... Still hurting this morning ....But one thing I thought about this morning is...... God has given us the strength to walk through everything we've had to in the last 2 months since finding out about the Cancer. And has more than amply prepared us for the upcoming surgery, that 2 months ago seemed Sooooo overwhelming to us at the thought of making all the doctor visits and do all the paper work in the time we had to do it in....... So here we are in the home stretch and everything was able to be accomplished! And we're actually going to Pre-Op! God never ceases to amaze me! When God tells us He will be our strength.... He means it!!!
Ephesians 3:21- 21
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
3:10 pm ~
Was a very exhausting day! But finally all signed up for surgery... Ready to go ... With clearances from all my doctor's ... So ready to take another step forward!!! With yesterday's Angiogram ... Getting up again for 6:00 am....No sleep last night and having to walk all over from doctor's offices to pre admitting at hospital and more blood work...more paper work... Stick me with a fork... Im done! I'm a gone pecan!!! LOL!
And praise God we got there for 8:45 because I thought that was my appointment time.... But it really wasn't until 1:45....Thank you Merciful Father for using my mess up for my good!!!! We would be still there and coming home in all that New Orleans traffic!!!! Oh and another blessing in the midst of a very overwhelming day... Was the hospital did accept all the test results paper work from yesterday's Heart Cath... ( lung x ray, EKG, lab results... Other wise I would have had to do all that too!!! But Praise God... We're home now.... And this girl is going to the showers and getting in some comfortable Jammie's and taking a couple Tylenol's and its to bed for me ! Thanks again guys ... You have no idea how important your prayers are to me!
7:37 pm ~
Boy what wonders a shower and a nap for a tired and worn out body makes.
Just woke up and feel 100% better :)
8:18 pm ~
I know why now my day was so overwhelming .... While hurrying to leave for 7:00 am .... I took a pic of my Devotional to read and meditate on the car ride over to the doctor appointment.... But because I didn't sleep last night from a sore back.... I promptly fell asleep in the car when the ride stared... Neglectful to read the devotional and pray I wasn't fully prepared for the day...But it sure was ready for me!!! ......
The Lord just reminded me of this word of advice....
When we think we don't have time to pray .... That's exactly the time we should stop everything and pray!!!
Lesson Learned Father God! (AGAIN!!)
Thinking on this word this morning would have put things in a different perspective for me ! .... Live and Learn .... It's a never ending process!!!
8:39 pm ~
Today zapped me physically. . . But I'm back in the right place...my heart is light and I'm feeling expectant again about what God is doing in my life!!!. . .Thank You Lord heart emoticon I must remember ...getting worn down and not refueling (even for one day) leaves us an open target for a spiritual attack.
March 18 ~ 8:18 am ~
Ok on our way to Nola for Surgery Pre-Op.... Had a tough night .... My lower back hurt so bad all night long .... Didn't sleep much! Guess from having to lay still on my back for 6 hours after the Angiogram.... Still hurting this morning ....But one thing I thought about this morning is...... God has given us the strength to walk through everything we've had to in the last 2 months since finding out about the Cancer. And has more than amply prepared us for the upcoming surgery, that 2 months ago seemed Sooooo overwhelming to us at the thought of making all the doctor visits and do all the paper work in the time we had to do it in....... So here we are in the home stretch and everything was able to be accomplished! And we're actually going to Pre-Op! God never ceases to amaze me! When God tells us He will be our strength.... He means it!!!
Ephesians 3:21- 21
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
3:10 pm ~
Was a very exhausting day! But finally all signed up for surgery... Ready to go ... With clearances from all my doctor's ... So ready to take another step forward!!! With yesterday's Angiogram ... Getting up again for 6:00 am....No sleep last night and having to walk all over from doctor's offices to pre admitting at hospital and more blood work...more paper work... Stick me with a fork... Im done! I'm a gone pecan!!! LOL!
And praise God we got there for 8:45 because I thought that was my appointment time.... But it really wasn't until 1:45....Thank you Merciful Father for using my mess up for my good!!!! We would be still there and coming home in all that New Orleans traffic!!!! Oh and another blessing in the midst of a very overwhelming day... Was the hospital did accept all the test results paper work from yesterday's Heart Cath... ( lung x ray, EKG, lab results... Other wise I would have had to do all that too!!! But Praise God... We're home now.... And this girl is going to the showers and getting in some comfortable Jammie's and taking a couple Tylenol's and its to bed for me ! Thanks again guys ... You have no idea how important your prayers are to me!
7:37 pm ~
Boy what wonders a shower and a nap for a tired and worn out body makes.
Just woke up and feel 100% better :)
8:18 pm ~
I know why now my day was so overwhelming .... While hurrying to leave for 7:00 am .... I took a pic of my Devotional to read and meditate on the car ride over to the doctor appointment.... But because I didn't sleep last night from a sore back.... I promptly fell asleep in the car when the ride stared... Neglectful to read the devotional and pray I wasn't fully prepared for the day...But it sure was ready for me!!! ......
The Lord just reminded me of this word of advice....
When we think we don't have time to pray .... That's exactly the time we should stop everything and pray!!!
Lesson Learned Father God! (AGAIN!!)
Thinking on this word this morning would have put things in a different perspective for me ! .... Live and Learn .... It's a never ending process!!!
8:39 pm ~
Today zapped me physically. . . But I'm back in the right place...my heart is light and I'm feeling expectant again about what God is doing in my life!!!. . .Thank You Lord heart emoticon I must remember ...getting worn down and not refueling (even for one day) leaves us an open target for a spiritual attack.
March 18 ~ TEST WERE SO EASY!
Wednesday ~ March 18
I've been wanting to post this to anyone who knows they need to see a Cardiologist to have a stress test and possibly a Angiogram.... Please go and don't be afraid. I couldn't believe how easy these two procedures where to go through.... of course there is always a fearfulness of the unknown when we chart new places... but I'm here to tell you.... There is nothing to fear!!!...
The Nuclear IV Test is a 100% easier to do than walking a treadmill and only about 45 seconds of the beginning of the stress test is uncomfortable..... after that...you feel nothing!!!! And the Angiogram.... I felt absolutely nothing!!!! And I was awake for it....sorta LaLa with what ever drug they put in my IV.... but I was talking with them.... and the next thing I new it was over!!! Felt nothing!!!!! The worst part about the whole Angiogram was the last hour of the 6 hours I had to lay flat on my back and not move. My lower back was so sore.....
But be encouraged if you are facing either of these test.....there is truly nothing to fear!!!
I've been wanting to post this to anyone who knows they need to see a Cardiologist to have a stress test and possibly a Angiogram.... Please go and don't be afraid. I couldn't believe how easy these two procedures where to go through.... of course there is always a fearfulness of the unknown when we chart new places... but I'm here to tell you.... There is nothing to fear!!!...
The Nuclear IV Test is a 100% easier to do than walking a treadmill and only about 45 seconds of the beginning of the stress test is uncomfortable..... after that...you feel nothing!!!! And the Angiogram.... I felt absolutely nothing!!!! And I was awake for it....sorta LaLa with what ever drug they put in my IV.... but I was talking with them.... and the next thing I new it was over!!! Felt nothing!!!!! The worst part about the whole Angiogram was the last hour of the 6 hours I had to lay flat on my back and not move. My lower back was so sore.....
But be encouraged if you are facing either of these test.....there is truly nothing to fear!!!
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
March 17 ~ PRAISING HIM IN THE STORM
Tuesday ~ March 17
In a few hours we will be at the LA Heart Hospital in Lacombe for an Angiogram to check out a blockage that was found in last weeks Nuclear Stress Test. If the blockage is 50% or more the Doctor will put in a stint. . . . If a stint is inserted that will mean the cancer surgery scheduled for the 24th will be postponed. At first I was upset about finding out I had a blockage that required this extra medical attention on the heels of my Pre-op at Turro that is scheduled for tomorrow, March 18.
So a lot hinges on tomorrow's findings when the Heart Cath is done. But very rarely do I understand God's ways . . . Or at least not often until after the fact. But He has my life perfectly planned out. Certainly finding this blockage was a blessing. And perhaps it is God's will to delay the surgery for a reason. Tomorrow will tell us the answers to a lot of things that are uncertain right now.
Today was a very busy day.... I got all my house cleaned ...got all the laundry done....went out to the Bank and Post Office ....We had dinner while we were out ... and tonight I was even able to give CoCo a bath...it was a productive day.
But this afternoon a felt a spirit on heaviness come over me as I was relaxing on the patio, after we got home from running our errands.
Too many thoughts were racing through my mind and I really felt another "Bam" moment when I realized I have cancer.... this is the 3rd time that it hit me out of the blue and it pulls the rug out from under my feet. . . . . And I cried out to God...."A blockage too????" . . . "Father, I don't know if I can do this...and the cancer too?"
But God. . . . began to embrace me.... and that's when my Daily Devotional really ministered to me.
He reminded me I can nothing apart from him. . . . why would I think this would be somehow harder....it's about surrender. It's about letting go of control and letting God use this weaken vessel and to somehow bring Him glory through the process.
This is the verse the Holy Spirit brought to my mind:
Ok here we go! On our way to the Heart Hospital... One step at a time... One step at a time.... Wow the difference a refreshed, sunny morning makes! Feeling calm and ready!... Following You Father God!
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In a few hours we will be at the LA Heart Hospital in Lacombe for an Angiogram to check out a blockage that was found in last weeks Nuclear Stress Test. If the blockage is 50% or more the Doctor will put in a stint. . . . If a stint is inserted that will mean the cancer surgery scheduled for the 24th will be postponed. At first I was upset about finding out I had a blockage that required this extra medical attention on the heels of my Pre-op at Turro that is scheduled for tomorrow, March 18.
So a lot hinges on tomorrow's findings when the Heart Cath is done. But very rarely do I understand God's ways . . . Or at least not often until after the fact. But He has my life perfectly planned out. Certainly finding this blockage was a blessing. And perhaps it is God's will to delay the surgery for a reason. Tomorrow will tell us the answers to a lot of things that are uncertain right now.
Today was a very busy day.... I got all my house cleaned ...got all the laundry done....went out to the Bank and Post Office ....We had dinner while we were out ... and tonight I was even able to give CoCo a bath...it was a productive day.
But this afternoon a felt a spirit on heaviness come over me as I was relaxing on the patio, after we got home from running our errands.
Too many thoughts were racing through my mind and I really felt another "Bam" moment when I realized I have cancer.... this is the 3rd time that it hit me out of the blue and it pulls the rug out from under my feet. . . . . And I cried out to God...."A blockage too????" . . . "Father, I don't know if I can do this...and the cancer too?"
But God. . . . began to embrace me.... and that's when my Daily Devotional really ministered to me.
He reminded me I can nothing apart from him. . . . why would I think this would be somehow harder....it's about surrender. It's about letting go of control and letting God use this weaken vessel and to somehow bring Him glory through the process.
This is the verse the Holy Spirit brought to my mind:
Isaiah 61:3 ~ To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”
He wants us to be able to get to the place where we can praise him in storm. . . . Not only when the threat is over...and the dark clouds have passed. So I opened my worship and praise playlist on my phone and started listing to a song I downloaded after hearing it this morning on the radio..... It's called "I AM NOT ALONE" by Kari Jobe. And immediately my spirit was lifted.
I AM NOT ALONE
When I walk through deep waters
I know that you will be with me
When I'm standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
Oh I will not fear
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
In the midst of deep sorrow
I see your light is breaking through
The dark night will not over take me
I am pressing into you
Lord you fight my every battle
And I will not fear
You amaze me
Redeem me
You call me as your own
You're my strength
You're my defender
You're my refuge in the storm
Through these trials
You have always been faithful
You bring healing to my soul
The Word in Isaiah 61:3, says put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. The implication is that we have to do something . . . we have to open our mouths and Praise Him out loud.
A conscious choice to Praise Him.... makes all of the darkness surrounding us back away! Glory to God!
***************************************************************
Harold and I made a conscious decision 2 years ago that hurry and stress were no longer going to be part of my lives.
Stress is self-created; we decided to stop manufacturing it.
We can choose an internal calm and joy even amid the chaos of the world around us!
*****************************************************
March 17th ~ 7:30 am
Ok here we go! On our way to the Heart Hospital... One step at a time... One step at a time.... Wow the difference a refreshed, sunny morning makes! Feeling calm and ready!... Following You Father God!
***********************************************************
3:30 pm
3:30 pm
Big Thumbs Up on the Angio Results!!! No Blockages!!! The surgery can go on as scheduled!!!!
Friday, March 13, 2015
March 13 ~ SPRING HAS SPRUNG and WITH IT, HOPE
Friday ~ March 13
A phone call from the Cardiologist's nurse to discuss the details of the angiogram this coming Tuesday was really hard hearing...and when I got off the phone I felt a "spirit of worry" trying to invade my thoughts and feelings... my heart started racing...I could hear my heart beat in my ears and I wanted to cry. I was physically beginning to react to the worry I was feeling...and it didn't feel good at all.
The Holy Spirit reminded of Philippians 4:6-8 ~ ~
I knew I needed a change of scenery to think on things other than the medical issues that are in my life right now, that I absolutely have no control over. So . . .
I went outside for a stroll around our property.... .this is what I saw when I started to walk down the driveway.... These beautiful pink buds springing forth..... and really this iPhone pic does not do them justice!!! . . .They are so delicate and perfect and so pink... the color almost caused me to squint...it is so vivid.
Spring has sprung in Green Acres!!!. . ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . . And It made me smile :) .... and gave me a sense of hope, life and renewal. It was a beautiful sign form God that He is all around me .... I immediately began to feel better! ;)
vs 7 ~ And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus.
And as I filled my mind with those things that are pure, lovely and honorable. . . . the worry vanished and my heavy heart lifted. Thank You Lord that the Bible is not just words in a book.... But they are hope and life to those who meditate on them.
Psalm 119:105 ~ "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."
Walking with God can be like driving our car at night. Our headlights might not let us see everything that lies before us but they shine on enough to let us keep moving forward safely. God's word is the light that guides us on our journey through life - giving us the light we need to be able to take our next step in faith towards Him.
Father God, there are times my vision is limited and I can't see beyond my next step. Thank You for lighting my path with Your Word so I may take my next step in confidence.
Worrying won't stop the bad stuff from happening. . . .
It just stops us from enjoying the good stuff! . . . (If we let it!)
Thank You Lord!
Psalm 34:10 ~ ". . . those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."
March 13
When our hearts are aching, nothing is to be feared. The want for more companionship or peace or achievement is not sad or weak or ugly.
Aching is a golden torch ignited to draw our flighty attention to that which is warm and important. That throbbing is not negative; it is the pulse and the pounding of potential, the very energy needed to begin anew.
That longing only burns or becomes a heavy lamp of lust and bitterness if we carry it for too long and fail to utilize it for what it is; it is a recognition that we have come to a fork in the road; it is a signal to connect again, to let something go, to be bold and take action; it is a readiness, that same urge and sense and desperation that invites the caterpillar to bloom.
March 14
This is a word a friend of mine sent to me today.... it truly has ministry power in ti!. . . .I'm sharing it for someone else who may be able use this word in your life today also.Thank You Barbara ...you have always been such a sweet blessing to me heart emoticon
"We have to rely on God's provision every day. It's like the children of Israel when they were wandering around in the wilderness they had to gather fresh manna everyday, that is the way with us. we have to have the fresh spiritual manna everyday to keep us going," Just a word of thought.... hope it blesses as it was intended for it to do.
~Barbara Raffield
✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
A phone call from the Cardiologist's nurse to discuss the details of the angiogram this coming Tuesday was really hard hearing...and when I got off the phone I felt a "spirit of worry" trying to invade my thoughts and feelings... my heart started racing...I could hear my heart beat in my ears and I wanted to cry. I was physically beginning to react to the worry I was feeling...and it didn't feel good at all.
The Holy Spirit reminded of Philippians 4:6-8 ~ ~
"Don't worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart. And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus. In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable."
I knew I needed a change of scenery to think on things other than the medical issues that are in my life right now, that I absolutely have no control over. So . . .
I went outside for a stroll around our property.... .this is what I saw when I started to walk down the driveway.... These beautiful pink buds springing forth..... and really this iPhone pic does not do them justice!!! . . .They are so delicate and perfect and so pink... the color almost caused me to squint...it is so vivid.
Spring has sprung in Green Acres!!!. . ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . . And It made me smile :) .... and gave me a sense of hope, life and renewal. It was a beautiful sign form God that He is all around me .... I immediately began to feel better! ;)
vs 7 ~ And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus.
And as I filled my mind with those things that are pure, lovely and honorable. . . . the worry vanished and my heavy heart lifted. Thank You Lord that the Bible is not just words in a book.... But they are hope and life to those who meditate on them.
Psalm 119:105 ~ "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."
Walking with God can be like driving our car at night. Our headlights might not let us see everything that lies before us but they shine on enough to let us keep moving forward safely. God's word is the light that guides us on our journey through life - giving us the light we need to be able to take our next step in faith towards Him.
Father God, there are times my vision is limited and I can't see beyond my next step. Thank You for lighting my path with Your Word so I may take my next step in confidence.
Worrying won't stop the bad stuff from happening. . . .
It just stops us from enjoying the good stuff! . . . (If we let it!)
Thank You Lord!
Psalm 34:10 ~ ". . . those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."
**********************************************************
March 13
When our hearts are aching, nothing is to be feared. The want for more companionship or peace or achievement is not sad or weak or ugly.
Aching is a golden torch ignited to draw our flighty attention to that which is warm and important. That throbbing is not negative; it is the pulse and the pounding of potential, the very energy needed to begin anew.
That longing only burns or becomes a heavy lamp of lust and bitterness if we carry it for too long and fail to utilize it for what it is; it is a recognition that we have come to a fork in the road; it is a signal to connect again, to let something go, to be bold and take action; it is a readiness, that same urge and sense and desperation that invites the caterpillar to bloom.
*****************************************************************
March 14
This is a word a friend of mine sent to me today.... it truly has ministry power in ti!. . . .I'm sharing it for someone else who may be able use this word in your life today also.Thank You Barbara ...you have always been such a sweet blessing to me heart emoticon
"We have to rely on God's provision every day. It's like the children of Israel when they were wandering around in the wilderness they had to gather fresh manna everyday, that is the way with us. we have to have the fresh spiritual manna everyday to keep us going," Just a word of thought.... hope it blesses as it was intended for it to do.
~Barbara Raffield
✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
Thursday, March 12, 2015
March 11 ~ STRESS TEST DAY
Wednesday ~ March 11
The day went so well.... I was almost shocked by the Doctor's call back this afternoon that a blockage was found...and he could not give me clearance for the surgery set for the 24th until he can do an Angiogram on me to see the % of the blockage. He said he understood how important it was to not delay the cancer surgery....but He felt that what he saw in the test results could potentially cause me to have a heart attack during the surgery. I tell ya I'm shaking my head!!!! For how God is just opening up so much to me right now...it sorta hard to take it all in . . . . A lot to process!!!
I actually had 3 procedures done today. . . . and they all went so smooth......with no problems at all!
It was my first time for an IV Nuclear Stress Test (seriously I don't know why anyone would walk that treadmill, with this procedure available)..... only the first minute of it was really scarey and took my breath away....but I had no chest pain or heaviness.....after that it went smooth sailing all the way up to the end. I had no indication while doing the test at all that there was a blockage!
So now Tuesday ~ March 17th. . . . I am scheduled to have an Angiogram....if the blockage is 50% or less,,,,he is not going to stint it and allow the surgery to go on as planned..... but if it is greater than 50% blocked he will put in a stint.....and then the surgery will have to be postponed....because I need at least 2 weeks to heal from the implanted stint, before rescheduling the surgery. I really have no clue why all of the mishaps. And talking with the Oncologist's Nurse today it seems that the Doctor's schedule is so tight that it may take another month to be put back on the her surgery calender. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. First we have to get pass this Angiogram on next Tuesday and see what is going to happen with that.
By the way let me say what a great group of people work at this Heart Clinic in Slidell. Very caring and considerate people.....who care about their patient's. And I would highly recommend Dr Morales to anyone looking for a good Heart Doctor who specializes in Arrhythmias.
Ok....so with all that said. . . . here's the part where I write....BUT GOD. . . . .
I have to tell you how the day at the Heart Clinic went...because it was quiet amazing. How almost from the very beginning of stepping into the Clinic God's favor was on me....I actually felt it. Something you need to understood first off..... is because of my upcoming surgery I was added to their already overflowing work load that was already scheduled for this day....so they were actually suppose to be working me in, in between patients who already had appointments...and I was told (because they would be working me in between other patients, that I would probably be there 4 hours. So feeling gratefully I was even there at all....Harold and I went up to the front waiting room to wait till they would call my name.... in fact after getting comfortable on the Waiting Room sofa and putting my ear pods in my ears to listen to some Praise and Worship Music, I was typing a message on my iphone to send to FB about the long wait we would probably have. I didn't even get to finish typing out the message ans send it.....when we heard one of the Tech's coming down the hall saying very loudly.... Ms Morgan where are you....Ms Morgan....(this guys was so funny ...he reminded me of Mark Lowery ( the comedian with the Gathier's...he even resembled him...and sounded just like him...very wired personality and loud speaking...oh and by the way coincidentally his name was Marc)..... I turned when the door open to see why he was looking for me and he said ...."This is your lucky day. . . . . your going first!" . . . . I have no idea how that happened because there were 2 men with IV's already in their arms when we walked in the clinic who looked ready to start their procedures. . . . . So Harold and I hurried up off the sofa and followed Marc to the back to get my IV put in and the Nuclear meds administered. I have to now tell you about how easily marc was able to get the needle in my arm ..I have very small veins...and usually nurses have to put IV's in my hands....but because of the AFib just last week....my veins on my hands were still all bruised and unusable. So he kept feeling my arm and tapping to find a vein...thinking he found something...he pulled out this huge needle......and I could see Harold's eyes get big as saucers as he saw the needle too.... I said...."Marc they never can use a needle that big on me...they use those tiny little needles." He said "No it has to be this needle!..... before I could even argue the fact that he was not going to able to use that needle on me....he had it in and switched it out with the plastic tube and was taping up my arm..... I was shocked....I didn't even feel the stick. Honestly... It was so strange.... it was like for 20 seconds everything went in fast motion and I missed the stick of him putting it in my arm!
So from there we went into marc's office to do the first set of pictures with the Echogram. it took about 20 mins,,,,, then from there he rushed me over to another room where a Nurse named Shelia was waiting for me. . . . Guess what the first thing is that she says to me as Harold and I walk in. . . . She flashes this beautiful smile at me and says. . . "I prayed for you before you got here!" . . .I was like. . . . "Thank You <3'... and I looked at Harold with a huge grin on my face and said, "Yep....we're in the right place!" I was so comfortable after that awesome welcome....I had no fear ...I got up on the table and she started hooking me up tp all the lines....and then the Cardiologist's nurse practitioner, Carol, came in the oversee the test....to make sure I didn't Afib during it. When the test started I reached for her hand and she grabbed mine and talked me through that first awful minute when my vessels were being dilated in my heart and lungs....it literally took my breath away and I was gasping for air....but started using my breathing technique.....which calm me down and enabled me make it through the last 30 seconds before the test started getting easier to tolerate. After that Carol left the room and it was just me and Shelia.... I talked with her about how much I appreciated the way she greeted me when I first got there and how grateful I was for her prayers for me.... I told her about the recent cancer diagnoses I had been given and the reason why I was there getting the stress test. She started praying out loud for me speaking to the cancer in my body and praying about the pending surgery....it was amazing.... then she shared with me her testimony and how in that room right where she was standing she had a heart issue one day and went from nurse to patient in a matter of seconds.witha heart rate of 268.. the doctor and nurses rushed in to work on her on the very table I was laying on. And she said see that coroner over there....and pointed up to the ceiling over in the corner to the left of me .....She said that's where I was while the doctor was working on me. . . . I said..."You had an out of body experience?" She said , "I sure did.....I don't know if I was leaving this world at that moment and God wasn't ready for me.... But I was literally up there looking at me on the table your laying on right there!". . . .She said that was the day she became a true believer. She ...I always believed in God...But after that day I knew what my mission was...I grew in great compassion for every patient I saw after that,,,,and I pray for each one before they even enter this room."......We shared scripture with each other and said we would never forget God crossing our paths ....after standing up .....we hugged very tight. . . and both of us almost at the same time said. . .."I'll see you in heaven one day!" It was an amazing witness to me that God is so in control of my days.
Next I was off to Room #2 where there was a pretty young woman, about 25.....who was not exactly unpleasant....but wasn't wanting to connect with me on a personal level at all...she was just there doing her job.. ...in fact she didn't even make eye contact with when I walked into the room ...just gave me a gown and told me to disrobe and get up on the table........she turned off the light (she was going to be doing an Ultra Sound of my heart) . . . . But because I was on my left side and turned facing her her...I was able to study her face with the glow of the Ultra Sound machine screen in her face. She was a pretty girl with long blonde hair....sorta acting a little airy with me. Until the test was over and she had to help me up and off the table....I was feeling a bit unbalanced and so she helped to hold on to me and steady my stand as I redressed myself . . .the room was very small and she and I are practically face to face as she helping me to not fall as I'm dressing... and then she made eye contact with me.....and I saw in her eyes an open door..... I knew God was giving me an opportunity to speak life into this young woman's heart.... I told her about the cancer diagnoses....and immediately her face softened and there was compassion in her voice as she siad..."Oh I'm so sorry." . . I told her how "God sometimes allows things into our lives that seem really bad. . .But because He loves us so much....He always has a plan to use them for something really good." . . .and I said, " Always remember... no matter how bad things are , , , God always provides us a way to escape." . . . And she hugged me before leaving the room. It was just a couple seeds sown ...but she was definitely attentive..... and I believe God will send someone to water those seeds....and God will bring the increase.
The it was back to Marc's room for the last set of pictures of my heart...which only lasted about 10 minutes.....on his computer screen he had the Gaither Homecoming Show playing and he was signing to one of the gospel songs that Sheri Easter was singing..... God put it on my heart while I was having to be still and quite to share with him what all of the people I'd seen prior to coming back to him had said about him.....They said he was a great Co- Worker and they so much appreciated him being their Co- Worker.... that he had such an upbeat and positive spirit , that he really made there days so much easier on their jobs. He was so humbled by what I said that his kinda wired, hyper personality quieted down and he had a look on his face like he didn't realize they felt like that.......I told him I saw God's glory in his face....and I could see how they would love having him around them everyday..... he said...."Thnak You so much for sharing that with me....I really appreciate it!"
The test were all finished and I was given the ok to leave..... what we first told was it would take probably 4 hours ...because I would be on a in a holding patterned getting these 3 procedures done in between other's appointments. . . . because they were fitting me in to get the clearance for my surgery. In only 2 hour from start to finish we were walking out the door.....(we got there at 8:45 and walked out the door at 10:45) . . . All because God put it on this man Marc's heart to show me favor....and rushed me through first. It was a wonderful day of ministry over me and an opportunity (Open Doors) for me to minister to them as well.....
God's fingerprints were all over today :)
Now I'm beginning to understand that had the cancer not showed up I would not have had the stress test that found the blockage..... perhaps God was protecting me from a fatal heart attack in my future. My Brother Cliff had a major heart attack. . . .My twin brother has stints.....and my maternal Grandfather died of a massive heart attack. So actually, in a a sense, the cancer has been a blessing or sorts.....because I would have never known I even had a problem had I not been doing these test for the clearance for the surgery.
His promises are forever true..... Romans 8:28 ~ "ALL things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called to His purposes."
The day went so well.... I was almost shocked by the Doctor's call back this afternoon that a blockage was found...and he could not give me clearance for the surgery set for the 24th until he can do an Angiogram on me to see the % of the blockage. He said he understood how important it was to not delay the cancer surgery....but He felt that what he saw in the test results could potentially cause me to have a heart attack during the surgery. I tell ya I'm shaking my head!!!! For how God is just opening up so much to me right now...it sorta hard to take it all in . . . . A lot to process!!!
I actually had 3 procedures done today. . . . and they all went so smooth......with no problems at all!
It was my first time for an IV Nuclear Stress Test (seriously I don't know why anyone would walk that treadmill, with this procedure available)..... only the first minute of it was really scarey and took my breath away....but I had no chest pain or heaviness.....after that it went smooth sailing all the way up to the end. I had no indication while doing the test at all that there was a blockage!
So now Tuesday ~ March 17th. . . . I am scheduled to have an Angiogram....if the blockage is 50% or less,,,,he is not going to stint it and allow the surgery to go on as planned..... but if it is greater than 50% blocked he will put in a stint.....and then the surgery will have to be postponed....because I need at least 2 weeks to heal from the implanted stint, before rescheduling the surgery. I really have no clue why all of the mishaps. And talking with the Oncologist's Nurse today it seems that the Doctor's schedule is so tight that it may take another month to be put back on the her surgery calender. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. First we have to get pass this Angiogram on next Tuesday and see what is going to happen with that.
By the way let me say what a great group of people work at this Heart Clinic in Slidell. Very caring and considerate people.....who care about their patient's. And I would highly recommend Dr Morales to anyone looking for a good Heart Doctor who specializes in Arrhythmias.
Ok....so with all that said. . . . here's the part where I write....BUT GOD. . . . .
I have to tell you how the day at the Heart Clinic went...because it was quiet amazing. How almost from the very beginning of stepping into the Clinic God's favor was on me....I actually felt it. Something you need to understood first off..... is because of my upcoming surgery I was added to their already overflowing work load that was already scheduled for this day....so they were actually suppose to be working me in, in between patients who already had appointments...and I was told (because they would be working me in between other patients, that I would probably be there 4 hours. So feeling gratefully I was even there at all....Harold and I went up to the front waiting room to wait till they would call my name.... in fact after getting comfortable on the Waiting Room sofa and putting my ear pods in my ears to listen to some Praise and Worship Music, I was typing a message on my iphone to send to FB about the long wait we would probably have. I didn't even get to finish typing out the message ans send it.....when we heard one of the Tech's coming down the hall saying very loudly.... Ms Morgan where are you....Ms Morgan....(this guys was so funny ...he reminded me of Mark Lowery ( the comedian with the Gathier's...he even resembled him...and sounded just like him...very wired personality and loud speaking...oh and by the way coincidentally his name was Marc)..... I turned when the door open to see why he was looking for me and he said ...."This is your lucky day. . . . . your going first!" . . . . I have no idea how that happened because there were 2 men with IV's already in their arms when we walked in the clinic who looked ready to start their procedures. . . . . So Harold and I hurried up off the sofa and followed Marc to the back to get my IV put in and the Nuclear meds administered. I have to now tell you about how easily marc was able to get the needle in my arm ..I have very small veins...and usually nurses have to put IV's in my hands....but because of the AFib just last week....my veins on my hands were still all bruised and unusable. So he kept feeling my arm and tapping to find a vein...thinking he found something...he pulled out this huge needle......and I could see Harold's eyes get big as saucers as he saw the needle too.... I said...."Marc they never can use a needle that big on me...they use those tiny little needles." He said "No it has to be this needle!..... before I could even argue the fact that he was not going to able to use that needle on me....he had it in and switched it out with the plastic tube and was taping up my arm..... I was shocked....I didn't even feel the stick. Honestly... It was so strange.... it was like for 20 seconds everything went in fast motion and I missed the stick of him putting it in my arm!
So from there we went into marc's office to do the first set of pictures with the Echogram. it took about 20 mins,,,,, then from there he rushed me over to another room where a Nurse named Shelia was waiting for me. . . . Guess what the first thing is that she says to me as Harold and I walk in. . . . She flashes this beautiful smile at me and says. . . "I prayed for you before you got here!" . . .I was like. . . . "Thank You <3'... and I looked at Harold with a huge grin on my face and said, "Yep....we're in the right place!" I was so comfortable after that awesome welcome....I had no fear ...I got up on the table and she started hooking me up tp all the lines....and then the Cardiologist's nurse practitioner, Carol, came in the oversee the test....to make sure I didn't Afib during it. When the test started I reached for her hand and she grabbed mine and talked me through that first awful minute when my vessels were being dilated in my heart and lungs....it literally took my breath away and I was gasping for air....but started using my breathing technique.....which calm me down and enabled me make it through the last 30 seconds before the test started getting easier to tolerate. After that Carol left the room and it was just me and Shelia.... I talked with her about how much I appreciated the way she greeted me when I first got there and how grateful I was for her prayers for me.... I told her about the recent cancer diagnoses I had been given and the reason why I was there getting the stress test. She started praying out loud for me speaking to the cancer in my body and praying about the pending surgery....it was amazing.... then she shared with me her testimony and how in that room right where she was standing she had a heart issue one day and went from nurse to patient in a matter of seconds.witha heart rate of 268.. the doctor and nurses rushed in to work on her on the very table I was laying on. And she said see that coroner over there....and pointed up to the ceiling over in the corner to the left of me .....She said that's where I was while the doctor was working on me. . . . I said..."You had an out of body experience?" She said , "I sure did.....I don't know if I was leaving this world at that moment and God wasn't ready for me.... But I was literally up there looking at me on the table your laying on right there!". . . .She said that was the day she became a true believer. She ...I always believed in God...But after that day I knew what my mission was...I grew in great compassion for every patient I saw after that,,,,and I pray for each one before they even enter this room."......We shared scripture with each other and said we would never forget God crossing our paths ....after standing up .....we hugged very tight. . . and both of us almost at the same time said. . .."I'll see you in heaven one day!" It was an amazing witness to me that God is so in control of my days.
Next I was off to Room #2 where there was a pretty young woman, about 25.....who was not exactly unpleasant....but wasn't wanting to connect with me on a personal level at all...she was just there doing her job.. ...in fact she didn't even make eye contact with when I walked into the room ...just gave me a gown and told me to disrobe and get up on the table........she turned off the light (she was going to be doing an Ultra Sound of my heart) . . . . But because I was on my left side and turned facing her her...I was able to study her face with the glow of the Ultra Sound machine screen in her face. She was a pretty girl with long blonde hair....sorta acting a little airy with me. Until the test was over and she had to help me up and off the table....I was feeling a bit unbalanced and so she helped to hold on to me and steady my stand as I redressed myself . . .the room was very small and she and I are practically face to face as she helping me to not fall as I'm dressing... and then she made eye contact with me.....and I saw in her eyes an open door..... I knew God was giving me an opportunity to speak life into this young woman's heart.... I told her about the cancer diagnoses....and immediately her face softened and there was compassion in her voice as she siad..."Oh I'm so sorry." . . I told her how "God sometimes allows things into our lives that seem really bad. . .But because He loves us so much....He always has a plan to use them for something really good." . . .and I said, " Always remember... no matter how bad things are , , , God always provides us a way to escape." . . . And she hugged me before leaving the room. It was just a couple seeds sown ...but she was definitely attentive..... and I believe God will send someone to water those seeds....and God will bring the increase.
The it was back to Marc's room for the last set of pictures of my heart...which only lasted about 10 minutes.....on his computer screen he had the Gaither Homecoming Show playing and he was signing to one of the gospel songs that Sheri Easter was singing..... God put it on my heart while I was having to be still and quite to share with him what all of the people I'd seen prior to coming back to him had said about him.....They said he was a great Co- Worker and they so much appreciated him being their Co- Worker.... that he had such an upbeat and positive spirit , that he really made there days so much easier on their jobs. He was so humbled by what I said that his kinda wired, hyper personality quieted down and he had a look on his face like he didn't realize they felt like that.......I told him I saw God's glory in his face....and I could see how they would love having him around them everyday..... he said...."Thnak You so much for sharing that with me....I really appreciate it!"
The test were all finished and I was given the ok to leave..... what we first told was it would take probably 4 hours ...because I would be on a in a holding patterned getting these 3 procedures done in between other's appointments. . . . because they were fitting me in to get the clearance for my surgery. In only 2 hour from start to finish we were walking out the door.....(we got there at 8:45 and walked out the door at 10:45) . . . All because God put it on this man Marc's heart to show me favor....and rushed me through first. It was a wonderful day of ministry over me and an opportunity (Open Doors) for me to minister to them as well.....
God's fingerprints were all over today :)
ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
Now I'm beginning to understand that had the cancer not showed up I would not have had the stress test that found the blockage..... perhaps God was protecting me from a fatal heart attack in my future. My Brother Cliff had a major heart attack. . . .My twin brother has stints.....and my maternal Grandfather died of a massive heart attack. So actually, in a a sense, the cancer has been a blessing or sorts.....because I would have never known I even had a problem had I not been doing these test for the clearance for the surgery.
His promises are forever true..... Romans 8:28 ~ "ALL things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called to His purposes."
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
March 11 ~ GRACE IN THE STORM
Wednesday ~ March 11
This is a great word from Anne Graham Lotz! Thank you Lord for this today!!!
Storms can be sudden and fierce, raging until they suck the life out of us. When the storm comes -- as it did in Isaiah's life in the year that King Uzziah died
(Isaiah 6:1-5)
Don't look back or around or ahead. . . . .
Look up and ask God to give you a fresh vision of His purpose, His prayers, His presence, His peace, and His power. Then reach out to comfort someone else by just giving them Jesus!
Ok ....so it's taken me years to overcome the paralyzing and debilitating condition of living with constant worry and fear.
And you know how? By realizing that almost everything that I worried about and feared....NEVER HAPPENED!!!...I wasted most of my young adult life scared of everything, always thinking the worse was going to happen....
OK fast forward to my life now. Free from the spirit of worry and fear, Because I know God had designed things into or lives that we cannot control nor change. So I accept things on the basis of God's wisdom. And am at peace with that!
Since I've finally learned that I basically can't control most of the things that happen in my life anyway....I just "Let Go" and really started enjoying life ...the way God always wanted me to.
The last 6 weeks I feel like I'v been in some sort of whirlwind...... and everything that has popped up since January 29th I've taken in stride and truly have not felt worried or fearful while facing them. Believing that probably the worst of what my mind could conceive probably would not ever happen anyway. Well that hasn't been the case at all.... every step I've made in the last 6 weeks has seemed to created a greater medical need than the last. Every test has resulted in even a greater medical concern than the last. WHAT IS GOING ON????
So God brought me back to look at the story Mark 6: 45–52
The disciples of Jesus went through a very difficult, frightening storm. In the midst of that storm they came to see their Savior in a whole new way. God is teaching me some important perspectives about the storms I'm going through.
Could it be that the storms that are hitting me lately - the storm that is now threatening to break up my ship - is God's tool to drive me into His arms? Not because He's mad at me, but because He loves me.
What in the world is God doing?
If i'm going to live a life of confident faith and if I'm going to help others, I've got to be able to answer that question. What in the world is God doing? And how in the world should I respond to it?
When we walk through a trial that we never asked for, it’s tempting to feel alone.... to wonder if God really cares about our situation. I've discovered that at most points in life we’re either:
In a trying situation
Coming out of one
About to head into one . . . . that’s what life is like.
That's God's call to everyone. No one is meant to just be a recipient. Everyone is meant to be an instrument
Mark 6: 45–52
45 Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46 After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray.47 Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. 48 He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Shortly before dawn he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, 49 but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, 50 because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 51 Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, 52 for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.
Now, here's the scene: the disciples find themselves in another moment of difficulty. They're trying to row their way across the Sea of Galilee; they're facing an impossible headwind, angry seas. If you look at the larger time clues in the passage, they've probably been rowing now for eight hours. It's a situation that's exhausting and discouraging and potentially dangerous. So we need to ask the question. . . .
How in the world did the disciples get themselves in this mess?
Looking closely, I find a clue in verse 45, that says, "Immediately he (Christ) commanded them to get into the boat." Ahhhhh......Jesus created this mess they found themselves in. He's got the disciples in this moment exactly where He wants them to be.
Now I know you're asking the question. . . . "Why would a God of such grace, why would a God of such tender love, why would a God who proclaims again and again that He cares for us..... ever want His children to be in this kind of difficulty? Why? . . . Millions of Christians over the years have asked this question: "Why, God, why? ....... (Reminds me of the night I lost the entire Blog, that took me 2 weeks of many hours of typing to put together, only minutes after launching it. .... all I could say was ...."Why, Lord, why?")
God knows how much we're committed more to our own little kingdoms than to His Kingdom. And He will take us where we have not intended to go in order to produce in us what we could not achieve on our own. Do you know what the Bible calls that?
. . . . Grace!
There have been many times in my life where I have cried out.
"I need Your Grace!"
And then I realized I was recieving the grace of God . . . . . But it doesn't always come as a cool drink. Or a soft pillow.
Oh, I ... just like you want the grace of relief and the grace of release, and we do get those in pieces, but largely those are to come.
Because very often, this side of eternity, the grace of God comes to us in uncomfortable forms.. That's glorious grace.
But there's something else we must observe. The minute Jesus takes that walk, we are clued-in to what this whole event is about. The minute Jesus takes that walk, His intention for this moment is being revealed to us. Because— think about this—if all Jesus wanted to do was remove the difficulty, He wouldn't have had to walk across the water.
The minute Jesus takes the walk on the water, you know that He's not after the difficulty; He's after the people in the middle of the difficulty—that's what He's after.
That's the spiritual equation for us: "You remove the difficulty Father... . . . And, I'll gladly praise You."
But God wants us to praise Him in the midst of the difficulty.
The shocking thing about this moment is these people had seen His glory. They had just recently watched Him raise a little girl from the dead. She was dead. And she lived again.
They had actually watched Him calm another storm. They had watched Him feed a large multitude with the little boy's lunch. They had seen the stunning glory of the Messiah, yet here they are in the same old panic all over again as if they had never seen anything.
We've seen God's glory again and again. What happens to us when we're in the storm?
Hummmmmmm.....what about me..... I've not only have seen God work miracles in other's lives. . . but I've been a recipient of God's miracles twice in my own life!
Yet, after a third call back from a Doctor on a recent medical test result that was not what I was hoping for..... my first words were "Why, Lord why?"
Storms come. That’s the nature of life this side of eternity. Jesus had to remind me he really does care about me as I go through these storms. And in fact, He cares enough about me to allow me to go through these storms and even stir up the storms for my ultimate good. I just need to trust Him.
Those disciples needed to take their eyes off the storm and keep their eyes on Jesus.
I don't know what God is doing. . . . I really don't....But I too need to keep my focus on Jesus no matter what the test reports say. What I do know is that I'm taking advantage of each opportunity as an "open door" to share my love for Jesus with every one I get to see and talk to. . .
It is true....Sometimes God calms the storm....and sometimes. . . He chooses to calms His child in the storm. Either way he is in the storm with us.....
Now I beginning to see that the cancer, in a sense, was really a blessing. If it weren't for the cancer...I would not have had the stress test that revealed the blockage. That one day may have given me a heart attack. And I hadn't even realized there was a problem. I certainly can't go through a major abdominal surgery with a blockage on my heart....so just as God promises us in Rmans 8:28
Now I beginning to see that the cancer, in a sense, was really a blessing. If it weren't for the cancer...I would not have had the stress test that revealed the blockage. That one day may have given me a heart attack. And I hadn't even realized there was a problem. I certainly can't go through a major abdominal surgery with a blockage on my heart....so just as God promises us in Rmans 8:28
\ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
*********************************************************
This is a great word from Anne Graham Lotz! Thank you Lord for this today!!!
Storms can be sudden and fierce, raging until they suck the life out of us. When the storm comes -- as it did in Isaiah's life in the year that King Uzziah died
(Isaiah 6:1-5)
Don't look back or around or ahead. . . . .
Look up and ask God to give you a fresh vision of His purpose, His prayers, His presence, His peace, and His power. Then reach out to comfort someone else by just giving them Jesus!
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