March 4 ~ Wednesday
Harold was still too sick to drive us DTR for my Doctor's appointment today.... And going it alone without Him was very difficult for me... It was very hard not having him with me to listen to the doctor explain facts about cancer surgery and what we could expect. Seems like cancer surgery in itself makes the patient at rsk for blood clots ...with my medical conditons I am at a highten risk for getting them. So now the reality of dealing with cancer is becoming more real and more pressing on my heart.
How did God provide for the need to get to that doctor appointment?
I was feeling pretty perplexed about should I do.... reschedule it or find some other way to get there???? God had the provision all the time....and provided for me a way to escape the temping fear and confusion I was beginning to feel.....just as He promises us in I Corinthians 10:13 ~ "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
But God . . . in His infinite mercy ... was using this day's circumstances to show me that on this journey I'm going to learn to forsake all to follow Him. ...to let go of everything and every body I have depended and leaned on most of my life....to be able to fully embrace Him. Jesus demands that our love and our loyalty to Him be greater than any other attachments we may have, including our attachments for our families.
He clearly tells us that we must love Him more than any other.
Luke !4:26-27 ~ "If anyone comes after me Me, and does not hate (the literal translation means to "love less") his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple."
Though our spouses are divinely joined to us and we become one with them .... Our love , trust and devotiion should always be on a higher plane with God.
When first given the cancer diagnosis, I wondered how women who don't have a husband go through the experience alone and more than once I have said, out loud, ...I could not do this without Harold!.... well the truth is those women are not alone.... today neither was I! I wasn't alone in that Doctor's office without Harold today. I felt God's presence with me. He impressed on my heart that I will walk many days of this journey in places where Harold won't be able to follow me....it was good to learn early that I don't have to fear those times, because God will be present and waiting for me before I even get there.
Jesu said, Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. And that there is a cost involved in being His disciple. I'm getting so far away from my "Comfort Zone" that sometimes it makes me feel strange......like I'm in new territory I've never tracked before, It's sorta scary and sorta stirring at the same time........but each time the Lord calls me to come out another step closer to trust Him I'm seeing Him in a grander way and feeling His presence sweeter!
Until Jesus is all we have... we really never understand that He was all we really ever needed!
God also blessed me with two beautiful people that love Him and possess the gift of "Helps", that we read about in I Corinthians 12:28. The Holy Spirit guided them to me to meet my need. In a sense they became "Jesus in skin for me today, and offered to drive me to my doctor's appointment.
What did I need??? Well I needed a way to get to where my Primary Care Physician was back in Louisiana since Harold wasn't able to drive me there and I'm not able to drive myself. But I needed so much more than that. And God knew it . . . I needed their compassionate hearts and I needed the sweet ministry of the joyful spirit's that live inside them to touch me. And it didn't hurt that these two are both ER Nurses either! Somehow that just was like the cherry on top of the Sunday. Because of the AFib Episodes that show up at will I've become skittish about being to far away from Harold. Because He knows exactly what to do.
When God provides..... His provisions are grade A :) I felt safe and secure with them and even stronger after spending time with them...as their words and laughter built up my inner spirit.
Yes again... what the devil tried to use for harm God knew could be used it for good!
Thank You Father God for working on me, to make this lump of clay that one day will be something beautiful and in a greater image of Your Son Jesus Christ. . . . I trust that You make all things beautiful in it's time. . . .Even an ole broken clay pot like me!
ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
