Launching night of my New Blog did not go quiet as I expected . . . ;(
MARCH 2 ~ 9:36 pm
I have finally launched my Blog tonight "My Journey Through The Open Door" about my Journey with Uterine Cancer . . . so I will no longer be posting anymore about my cancer journey here on FB.... I wanted to write a full journal of everything that happens along the way that I knew may get really personal and I felt like FB was not the place to be posting the things I will be experiencing. . . .
I will be leaving my FB page open... But will probably be spending less time on here.... until after this season of our lives is over. You can still reach me on my Fb Page....and I do get Mobile alerts..... I just need to focus more on what is happening in our lives right now. Please keep praying....I need your prayers. I Love you and appreciate you all . . . .
God is good ALL the time . . . ALL the time God is good!!!!
ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
March 3 ~ 3:39 am MY FB Post to inform everyone of the Lost Blog:
OK everyone. . . . Instead of leaving well enough alone. . . . Remember hearing your Momma say that to you ????
Well I went back one more time before going to bed to tweak something on my Blog and wound up deleting every word ...All that's left is the Title :(
It took two weeks to put that Blog together...a lot of hours of typing and feelings and love went into those post. My whole motivation for the Blog is to have a spiritual legacy for my Grandchildren about how faith and trust in God can guide us through the toughest storms. . . . Guess Tonight is going to be another entry in that Legacy Blog of how disappointment even at it's worse is still not as bad as God is good!
When it disappeared it sucked the air out of me ...like I got punched in the gut. . . . too tired to even cry about it tonight. But tomorrow when I awaken it will be a new day.... and I'll try to start it all over again.... it will be a while before I get it back up...But with God's help I will.
ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜
Less then 30 mins of completing a two week intensive and thought out Blog.... ready to post and ready to start writing down my daily experiences.... it disappeared before my very eyes ~ *PUFF* !
"Oh my goodness. . . . what just happened ????" ..... trying to delete an unwanted page I
mistaken clicked the "ALL" tab...... and just that quick.... it was ALL gone. Every
word...every line.... every picture..... All I could say was.... "But why Lord, why ?" Too
tired to even cry from the weeks of long night hours of typing and putting it all together
just the way I'd imagined it. Try as I might to recover the page ...... it was gone!....
In a flash!
BUT GOD . . . . .
Not all was lost (no pun intended...well maybe a little...LOL) I learned an Important
Lesson...... and more understanding may follow from that one horrifying, but awakening
experience....Since that's how God works. He gives us information just at the moment
when it is most important to know it.
He did reveal to me something that had to do with coming to the end of my own
human strength . . . showing me that even our best intentions fall short against God's
Almighty plans. I know I'm going to be learning a lot in the coming weeks and months
about getting to the end of my human ability to withstand, and how to smoothly transition
myself to rest and trust in God. Realizing all my human efforts can go up in smoke in a
second...and all I have left to show for it is a sore back and an overwhelming sense of
dread. I'm human.... Yes.... I'm fallible.... I FAIL.... (OFTEN)
But God's grace shows us Divine FAVOR .....
Psalms 5:12 ~ "Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."
I was in desperate need of God's favor at that moment....to cover me with His compassion.
I was hurting and had no human strength in me to deal with what had just happened.
And as I cried out "Why Lord...why???" His presence enveloped me and I knew that the
lesson He was teaching me was much more important than all the work I had done. I felt
empty after pouring myself for weeks into that Blog, and broken, feeling such
disappointment.
I needed to feel God. And really it wasn't about needing Him to find and restore
the Blog....I needed to Him to find and restore me!
I surrendered my feelings to Him and received His peace....when I awoke today I felt a
renewed sense of determination to allow God to use me through this journey to write a
story that will change my life as I now know it. And I am excited about the "Newer" New
Blog..... Because it's going to fulfill His amazing plans greater than anything I could ever
have imagined.
In God's loving grace He allowed me to feel my need for Him through the sense of loss.
And He was faithful to fill my cup, Feeling there was nothing left of me at that
moment. Drained of strength, I found all I needed in Him.
God will use the memory of the disappearing Blog to remind me, that His grace is
sufficient for me in those moments on this journey when I feel empty and broken. . .and
find myself saying again . . "Why, Lord, why?
ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ Shalom
March 3, 10:57 pm
With the Lord's help I'll try and start putting back together the pieces of the Blog......as I think about it now.......the mishap (and that is a huge understatement!!!) is really symbolic of what is going on in my life right now....God is in the process of regrouping and piecing together all of me.....because I'm learning that cancer is NOT just a physical matter .... it is all that you are that needs to be painstakingly gone over and evaluated and made new.
I'm feeling better this morning....but also a bit drain...that too is not a bad thing...Being emptied I believe is part of the process.... But one day I will be brand new as God cuts things away that are not good for me and makes this vessel better for His use.
Cancer is not the dreadful end....it's the time of a beginning of something beautiful and new...So as God has lifted my spirit this morning ...reminding me as He is fixing parts of me that the surgery can't reach.... He can also enable me to fix the Blog and make it more beautiful and meaningful than before.
I am saving all of your email addresses....and as soon as the Newer, new Blog (:) ) is ready to launch I'll send your invitation to join. So as the saying goes. . . Back to the drawing board!!!!
Tomorrow is my first Clearance for surgery doctor visit......we have to travel DTR for that...and have 3 more following along with one for Harold as well, before seeing Dr Cheng on the 18th for my Pre-Op with her... so a lot of traveling and things to accomplish in the next 3 weeks..... Your continued prayers are appreciated! . . . And believe me I actually feel them covering me :)
ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿´´¯`•.¸¸. ི♥ྀ.ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ
“We learn to trust by trusting :)
ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿ ƸӜƷ˜”*°•.•.¸ღ¸☆´ ¸.✿
March 3 ~ Tuesday ~ 3:00 pm
Today was a productive day.... got some cleaning done and worked on my Blog. . . Harold was outside enjoying the warmer temperatures....washed the car and then sprayed down the Patio....until 2:30 pm when he came in saying he didn't feel well. In less than an hour he was in a full fledged virus attack on his body.... I had never heard Harold moan from stomach pain like that before, He had chills and fever and body aches and awful nausea that turned for the worse as the night went on.... it lasted for 3 hours. Concerned that he may become dehydrated because nothing was staying down. Beginning to feel overwhelmed by what to do . . . .
BUT GOD ~
Praise God ....He sent an angel tonight to us with the help Harold needed!!!! And she also offered to drive me DTR tomorrow for my doctor appointment, so I wouldn't have to miss getting the necessary paperwork for clearance for my surgery. Thank you Lord for watching over us. . . .
Actually Harold is soundly sleeping now. . . I don't hear a peep coming from of the guest bedroom where he is.....The moaning has stopped and he is resting....Thank You God for sending us such a sweet Angel to us. :)
