My Journey Through the Open Door
The Story of healing, growing and thriving through my Journey with Uterine Cancer
From Diagnosis ~ Surgery and Recovery to Healing
Saw Nurse Practitioner ~ Gina Rivero ~ Tuesday ~ January 27, 2015
ER ~ Hemorrhaging ~ Thursday ~ January 29, 2015
Biopsy ~ Tuesday ~ February 3, 2015
Biopsy Results ~ Tuesday ~ February 10, 2015
Surgery Date ~ Tuesday ~ March 24, 2015
I was Inspired to write this Blog with my Grandchildren in mind
so they can learn of how God can take the worse of times
so they can learn of how God can take the worse of times
and turn them into the most spiritually life changing moments of our lives.
From the physical and mental and emotional challenges that cancer brings, God can lift the spirit
within, far above the disappointments and
heartaches.
That's what this Story is about.... to document the day to day, ups and downs of living with cancer,
holding on to the the hand of God.
I've learned that we can't truly understand certain things until we experience them.
But in the Journey we can become the storytellers of a situation that many
That's what this Story is about.... to document the day to day, ups and downs of living with cancer,
holding on to the the hand of God.
I've learned that we can't truly understand certain things until we experience them.
But in the Journey we can become the storytellers of a situation that many
may never know, but need to become aware
of.... Everyone knows someone, who knows someone,
who has had or has some form of female cancer.... I pray my story will become a living legacy to my
Granddaughter's, that will promote good health and right choices concerning their bodies. And to
help them realize that whatever happens in our lives....the good the bad and even the ugly...
God is at the center of it all, and is working ALL things together for their good (Romans 8:28).
It is better to live through a hardship with God....than to live care free without Him. He will
be your strength when you are weak.... your friend when your lonely, your comforter when your sad,
your guide when you've lost your way. You can trust Him...He will NEVER leave you or forsake you.
To my Grandson's, may it be a challenge to them to love and cherish the women God has placed in
their lives, and to understand the "Best of Times" are not always the best of experiences to live out.
And that everything that happens in our lives, God has a divine purpose for it.
Be Patient....Be Courageous...But most importantly ~~
help them realize that whatever happens in our lives....the good the bad and even the ugly...
God is at the center of it all, and is working ALL things together for their good (Romans 8:28).
It is better to live through a hardship with God....than to live care free without Him. He will
be your strength when you are weak.... your friend when your lonely, your comforter when your sad,
your guide when you've lost your way. You can trust Him...He will NEVER leave you or forsake you.
To my Grandson's, may it be a challenge to them to love and cherish the women God has placed in
their lives, and to understand the "Best of Times" are not always the best of experiences to live out.
And that everything that happens in our lives, God has a divine purpose for it.
Be Patient....Be Courageous...But most importantly ~~
Be a man who follows after God's own heart.
**********
And to you, my friend's who have been invited along for the journey ~~~
And to you, my friend's who have been invited along for the journey ~~~
my prayer is that you too, will
also receive something you haven't known before
of God's faithfulness and keeping in the midst of the storm. Your prayers will be so very important
and help guide me along this path..... they mean more to me than you know. Thank You!
of God's faithfulness and keeping in the midst of the storm. Your prayers will be so very important
and help guide me along this path..... they mean more to me than you know. Thank You!
And that you all will be challenged to LOOK for the Open Doors in your own lives.
Knowing I don't travel this road alone.... With God before me, the Holy Spirit in me, Jesus
interceding for me and 2/3 of Heaven's Angel's cheering me on..... I'm ready to take God's hand
and walk out His pathway for me to my healing :) Wherever that Journey ends. . . .
I know God will be there <3
****************************************************
Paul valued the prayers of other Believer's. Repeatedly throughout his
letters, he requested prayer for himself and other's. His greatest desire was for more
opportunities to share the mystery of Christ. He asked the Colossian church to
pray for an "open door" (opportunities) to share the Word.
I truly believe God sent this verse to me today as the inspiration to follow the course God has put me on.....
Colossians 4:3-4
"Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will "open up to us a door for the word", so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ."
***********
Thank You Lord for that perspective. . . I know clearly now what this season of my life is about. . . it's "The Open Door" . . . . an opportunity to speak forth the mystery of Christ.
And I will happily follow You where you will guide me to go to further the Gospel. I know
You are with me . . . Father God help me to remain faithful to the call.
Remember some of the biggest blessings in our lives comes at the end of something scary
GOD BLESS ALL WHO ENTER THIS PLACE <3
********************************************
Thursday ~ January 29, 2015
Friday ~ January 30
Thursday ~ January 29, 2015
It's 6:00 am ... I'm awaken to a strange feeling that something out of the norm is happening to my body. "Something's wrong!" I stand up to get to the bathroom and I realize I'm hemorrhaging. Harold was already up and in the Living Room , so as not to cause a panic for either of us... I quickly cleaned up and got dressed before telling him I needed to go to the ER. He assumed it was another AFib episode. I told him "No...not an AFib, but it is serious," to hurry and get dressed.
Sent a quick text over to the Praying Partners Page:
"At ER... Not AFib this time ! But still serious... Please pray I find God's pathway for me, to His healing. Thanks everyone! Love you!"
******************************
Friday ~ January 30
We got home from the ER around 4:00 yesterday afternoon... I was exhausted so I went straight to bed and remained until 1:00 pm today. I am doing better....I was so aware of God's presence with me (surely due to all of the prayers going up in my behalf) ....so much so that while laying alone in the ER room I actually fell asleep. They were pretty busy in the ER yesterday, a lot was going on the outside of my door in the hall.... so I closed my eyes and just dozed off while waiting my turn to be seen.... Because Harold looked nervous about the situation I told him to go to the waiting room, that I would be fine..... I felt perfect peace in that room. I didn't feel anxious... I felt like I was in a safe place. . .just waiting for God's plans to play out. I was sent home with meds to stop the immediate problem.... which by this afternoon has begun to improve. But I would like to ask you all for your continued prayer, if God brings me to your mind. . . .because on Tuesday morning, February 3rd, they have scheduled me for a Biopsy. I will keep you informed. Thank you again for quickly responding with your prayers..... it made all the difference in me being able to stay focused on God and at peace during all the things that transpired. I Love you guys more than you know!
****************************************
Tuesday ~ February 3
Was glad Breck and Maddy drove in for the Biopsy. I think it helped Harold feel better too.
Well all went well....we got home around 11:30.... had lunch and Breck and Maddy left at 12:15...
I won't lie ...it was an indescribable pain!!!.......
I got into jammies and got under the covers..... that seems to always make things better even on the worse of days! . . . . I took some Tylenol before lying down and I just woke up (4:00 pm)..... feeling fine... having some cramping, but that was to be expected ....took some more Tylenol ...should take the edge off of the pain in my lower back. So I have an appointment next Tuesday to find out the results.... Will let you know what is the outcome...thank you for praying. LOVE< LOVE < LOVE this Doctor Jean Pierre..... What a sweet, caring doctor she is!!! I think I am in the right place! I think the waiting may be the hardest... Glad this part is over.
*******************************************
February 10 at 2:12 pm
The Biopsy report showed that there is cancer in my body. Uterine Cancer. Now to prepare for surgery and what God has planned ahead. . . . One step at a time.
Now to process this information..... I’m numb. . . . ALL over!
After spending a few hours sitting on the swing with the warm sun on my face....I believe I may be over the shock of hearing I have cancer....but it will take some time to process this news.....so many things I know God will be speaking to my heart. Here are some thoughts He ministered to me in the first few hours. . . .
I now am on a mission I would have not chosen for myself. . . .But through God's all loving wisdom, today I begin a journey to walk out and proclaim faith to other's that I would have never come in contact with through any other way.
I make no claims of being strong enough to battle this..... and am so glad that the Battle is the Lord's
This is the first verse God spoke to my heart. . . .
2 Chronicles 20:15 ~ "This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.".....
In fact I KNOW I'm weak. . . .But He is strong..... and His grace is sufficient for me!!!
2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
For now.... I rejoice because I know I serve a living Savior who is seated at the right hand of the Father, in a real City called Heaven. . . making intercession for me!!!!!
That one thought brought me great comfort as I basked in His comforting presence!!!
And I am in His keeping....He has never failed to uphold me, when I have leaned on Him.
OK Lord. . . . now to apply all you've taught me through the years . . .
"Never the less, not my will....But Your Will be done!"
Oh one more thing I found amazing . . . . I asked the nurse what my blood pressure reading was...thinking it may a little elevated because of the circumstances ..... it was 118 /73 . . . . God was truly in control. !!!
In my PAST. . . God has ALWAYS been faithful! . . .
Some things may not work out the way we THINK they should. We must consider that in many circumstances, the Lord is either protecting us from an unseen danger or arranging something better for us.
Trust His wisdom....trust His timing.
God has given me a gift! He has entrusted a great responsibility to me to be an example of godliness in this time.
Proverbs 31: 25 ~ "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." . . . . This doesn't mean, like it's funny, "ha ha," but like, "I know Who's in control."
"God's Word is true, and I choose to stake my life on it!"
"This circumstance in my life can be a ball and chain that I drag around and it becomes an obstacle, or I can receive it as a gift, a precious gift, that God has entrusted to me in this season.
***************************************
This is truly unlike any thing I have ever experienced... and I still can't really believe I'm in this story!!!
We visited with John (my cousin who is living with cancer) and Deb Estes today... . . . and talking with John about his latest treatment protocol. I was thinking to myself. . . ..... “I'm going to go through the same things he's talking about.” Another strange moment to be sure.
But one thing has remained constant since last Tuesday when we sat in my doctor’s office and heard her say.... 'Mrs Morgan...I'm sorry it is cancer." . . . . My inner core is calm...I am at peace and I know that God has a much bigger plan for all this than I could ever imagine. I believe it makes some people feel uncomfortable when I say it really isn't as important to me whether I live or die.... what I believe is important... is how I walk this journey out. If what is happening to me somehow is able to touch and encourage someone else to want to know the hope that is in me, then God’s overall plan I believe will be filled.
I wouldn't have chosen this course for myself.. but God has.... and because so....I know it is very important in what He has designed into my life that is able to bring Him glory. So thankful for all the people who have answered the call to pray for Harold and I.... they are part of this story to help my heart and mind stay protected during those times when I may grow to weak to pray myself..... I love you my friend’s with all my heart.
I came across this verse today in Colossians 4:3-4
“Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door (opportunities) for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ.”
Thank You Lord for that perspective. . . I understand now what this season of my life is about. . . it's "The Open Door". This revelations has completely changed my outlook!
Paul valued the prayers of other Believer's. Repeatedly throughout his letters,
Paul requested prayer for himself and other’s. He desired more opportunities to share the mystery of Christ. He asked the Colossian church to pray for an open door to share the word.
It's only been 5 days since learning of the cancer diagnosis in my body and I'm still in the processing phase.... thinking of things I feel a need to accomplish.... some important things before seeing the Oncologist for the first time next week.
Think I'm still feeling a little disbelief over it all....I believe that would be a typical reaction....Like... I'll go through hours of my day without once thinking about it . . . doing my normal daily routines. . . then it will hit me that things are different about me that I didn't realize until just 5 days ago. . . . my life is going to change as the coming weeks unfold. And then God reminds me... that I'm not walking out this journey blindly trying to feel my way around in the dark....
It's like when the power goes out in your house. If it's a place you're familiar with, you can find your way around. Because you've walked that way. You've seen it in the light. If the power goes out and I'm in somebody else's house, I'm going to stumble and trip because I'm not used to the pathways there.
But in my house I know where things are: I know where the walls are; I know where the doors are, and when the power goes out I can walk. The power's gone out, some would say in terms of health for me at the moment. I’m not really in darkness, because I’ve got the light of Christ walking through it with me.
We can't always control the things that happen to us . . .
In my PAST. . . God has ALWAYS been faithful! . . .
Dear God. . .
I NEED You EVERY day....EVERY moment ...EVERY second that I breathe.
I NEED YOU!
I'm not strong enough on my own!
Me
Monday ~ February 16
Remembering Sarah Vullo today....she was my dear friend and though there was 30 years difference in our ages I loved spending time with her...I Loved her so much ...we got saved a year apart.... and we loved spending hours on the phone talking about Jesus!!!... We'd laugh and cry together..... but most importantly God let us grow in Him together... and by watching my sweet friend's uncompromising, all giving love for Jesus no matter what hardships she went through.... stayed with me through out my life....
God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty. - Peter Marshall
I believe this with all that I am.....
We see things with tunnel vision....God sees everything with an eternal view....
The Bible tells us, He knew the end at the beginning....
The difficult things that He allows in our lives . . . they are not random acts...but are His most favored gifts to us.
Attached to everything that happens in our lives are specific plans by which more people than we realize will be blessed.
However God has dealt with us, he has dealt with us better than we deserve; and all in love, and for our good. Many have knowledge, but little judgment; those who have both, are fortified against the snares of Satan, and furnished for the service of God. We are most apt to wander from God, when we are easy in the world. We should leave our concerns to the disposal of God, seeing we know not what is good for us. Lord, thou art our bountiful Benefactor; incline our hearts to faith and obedience.
The psalmist will go on in his duty with constancy and resolution. The proud are full of the world, and its wealth and pleasures; these make them senseless, secure. God visits his people with affliction, that they may learn his statutes. Not only God's promises, but even his law, his percepts, though hard to ungodly men, are desirable, and profitable, because they lead us with safety and delight unto eternal life.
FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU DECLARES THE LORD. PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU A HOPE AND A FUTURE. Jeremiah 29:11
God made this promise to the children of Israel, but it applies to all of His children. There are many things in this world that can make us fearful and can cause us to look around with alarm… that is what dismayed means here. But like Peter walking on the water, if we keep our eyes on Jesus and not the things around us, we will be filled with peace and be enabled to do what we could never do on our own.
Why does God tell us not to be afraid? Because He promises to be with us…in other passages, He tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us. God is our protector and if He is for us, who can be against us? We can be calm, hopeful and confident, because no matter what we face, the God that holds and sustains the universe in His righteous right hand, is holding us…He is strengthening us…He is helping us. If we could see God in the flesh standing with us, we would not be afraid of anything…so we must act as though we see Him… that’s what faith is all about!
When the situation seems impossible and the outcome uncertain, remember these important instructions:
Act out of LOVE -- you may not get your desired outcome, but you can BE LOVING no matter what.
Act out of FAITH -- there is ALWAYS more going on than meets the eye (namely, God).
Look for The Christ in all people and situations, especially the painful ones.
Father God.
We thank you for your unconditional love and for accepting us the way we are...and we thank You for loving us so much that You continually stretch and mold us, so we will grow in faith and Your grace. Thank You for using everything we go through in life to change us into Christ's image and to prepare us for eternity...we thank You that nothing we go through is ever wasted. We thank you that the pain of this life is temporary and our trials and pain are working in us things that will bring eternal glory.
As our Heavenly Father, you see the bigger picture our minds can't see or grasp now. Lord, may these things speak peace into our hearts as we pray. May they bring light to the dark places in our minds and souls. . May they bring us to the place of recognition, surrender and submission that we need to be with You. Help us to trust You enough to not pray with restrictions. So often we pray wanting our will and wanting things to be answered the way we think is best and then we lose hope, faith and trust, when our prayers aren't answered... or when they are packaged differently than we wanted.
You are full of love and compassion towards your children. For any who doubt that, may they remember the cross and all that Jesus went through because of His love and compassion for us. For those who doubt if You have a good plan for them, may they find renewed hope in You and Your Word. We often struggle and wrestle with You...we wrestle with questions...we wrestle with acceptance... but once we find that place of surrender, we find such peace. Lord, please help each of us to surrender the parts of our hearts and lives that are not totally yielded to You and Your will.
We ask all these things in the name of Jesus. Amen and Amen
**************************************************************
**********************************
February 24 ~ 11:34pm
7:49 am ~ ONCOLOGY VISIT
*****************************************
February 25 ~ 9:56 am
We are here.... Had a good drive in ... No traffic... Just misting rain! Was able to get into the Parking Garage and just take an elevator Down 3 floors to walk right in the building! Feeling totally at peace!!! And glad today is finally here! A 1000 mile Journey begins with the first step forward......I'm really glad after 2 weeks we are going forward! Waiting to be called to the back... Thank you for your prayers
Appointment with Oncologist ~ Dr Joan Gheng
There was NOT one bad part about it... The drive over there was no traffic no bad rain as forecasted the office was peaceful... and quite... no random babbling from the officer workers that you usually hear in some doctor offices... it was serene ....smelled good and felt good.... The office workers...nurses... assistants and the the Doctor were awesome and totally focused on the patients... I knew I was in the right place when I walked up to put my name on the sign in sheet and I was the first one on the list!!!! LOL...(that has never happened before.
Tuesday ~ February 3
Biopsy Day
Tuesday ~ February 3 ~~ Biopsy Day ~ Appointment at
9:00 am
Was glad Breck and Maddy drove in for the Biopsy. I think it helped Harold feel better too.
Well all went well....we got home around 11:30.... had lunch and Breck and Maddy left at 12:15...
I won't lie ...it was an indescribable pain!!!.......
I got into jammies and got under the covers..... that seems to always make things better even on the worse of days! . . . . I took some Tylenol before lying down and I just woke up (4:00 pm)..... feeling fine... having some cramping, but that was to be expected ....took some more Tylenol ...should take the edge off of the pain in my lower back. So I have an appointment next Tuesday to find out the results.... Will let you know what is the outcome...thank you for praying. LOVE< LOVE < LOVE this Doctor Jean Pierre..... What a sweet, caring doctor she is!!! I think I am in the right place! I think the waiting may be the hardest... Glad this part is over.
Me and Harold are going to be working on
refinishing a bedroom set a friend gave me for the Guest Bedroom. That should
keep our minds off of things until the results come in.
*************************************
February 10 at 10:55 am
Thank you Lord at the Doctor's office waiting to be
called to the back to find out the results of the Biopsy. Feeling calm.
*******************************************
February 10 at 2:12 pm
The Biopsy report showed that there is cancer in my body. Uterine Cancer. Now to prepare for surgery and what God has planned ahead. . . . One step at a time.
Thank You all for your prayers..... Harold
and I were calm and composed when hearing the results. The Doctor was very
compassionate and caring. I’ve already been scheduled to meet with an Oncologist
at Turro, on February 25th to discuss the surgery of a complete
hysterectomy.
Now to process this information..... I’m numb. . . . ALL over!
After spending a few hours sitting on the swing with the warm sun on my face....I believe I may be over the shock of hearing I have cancer....but it will take some time to process this news.....so many things I know God will be speaking to my heart. Here are some thoughts He ministered to me in the first few hours. . . .
I now am on a mission I would have not chosen for myself. . . .But through God's all loving wisdom, today I begin a journey to walk out and proclaim faith to other's that I would have never come in contact with through any other way.
I make no claims of being strong enough to battle this..... and am so glad that the Battle is the Lord's
This is the first verse God spoke to my heart. . . .
2 Chronicles 20:15 ~ "This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.".....
In fact I KNOW I'm weak. . . .But He is strong..... and His grace is sufficient for me!!!
2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
Psalm 139:16 ~ "He wrote everyday of my life in His
book before I lived one." . . . What I learned today was written into the
Chapters of my life a very, very long time ago.... and penned by the loving hand
of my Father God who holds me in the palm of His hands. I don't understand
everything now. . . . but one day I will.
For now.... I rejoice because I know I serve a living Savior who is seated at the right hand of the Father, in a real City called Heaven. . . making intercession for me!!!!!
That one thought brought me great comfort as I basked in His comforting presence!!!
And I am in His keeping....He has never failed to uphold me, when I have leaned on Him.
OK Lord. . . . now to apply all you've taught me through the years . . .
"Never the less, not my will....But Your Will be done!"
Oh one more thing I found amazing . . . . I asked the nurse what my blood pressure reading was...thinking it may a little elevated because of the circumstances ..... it was 118 /73 . . . . God was truly in control. !!!
In my PAST. . . God has ALWAYS been faithful! . . .
In my PRESENT He is ALWAYS good! . .
.
So I'm fully confident I can trust Him with
my FUTURE!!!!
Whatever that may be!
Whatever that may be!
**************************************
Wednesday ~ February 11
Some things may not work out the way we THINK they should. We must consider that in many circumstances, the Lord is either protecting us from an unseen danger or arranging something better for us.
Trust His wisdom....trust His timing.
*************************************
Thursday ~ February 12
God has given me a gift! He has entrusted a great responsibility to me to be an example of godliness in this time.
Proverbs 31: 25 ~ "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." . . . . This doesn't mean, like it's funny, "ha ha," but like, "I know Who's in control."
"God's Word is true, and I choose to stake my life on it!"
"This circumstance in my life can be a ball and chain that I drag around and it becomes an obstacle, or I can receive it as a gift, a precious gift, that God has entrusted to me in this season.
***************************************
Friday ~ February 13
Got the paper work from the
Oncologist today to fill out and bring with me for my first appointment with her
on the February 25th.... I realized when opening the envelope and reading the
material inside that started with "Dear Patient".... it sort of got to me.... “I
AM A CANCER PATIENT and have an Oncologist” ....;;; who is going to basically be
making choices, after evaluating my medical history, how best to walk me
through pre-op and surgery and recovery of a life robbing cancer in my body!
It was strange feeling... and made
me think that I will probably have many different times through this journey
when I will have an experience where I'll feel like I"m standing on the outside
of my body looking in wondering what is going on.
This is truly unlike any thing I have ever experienced... and I still can't really believe I'm in this story!!!
We visited with John (my cousin who is living with cancer) and Deb Estes today... . . . and talking with John about his latest treatment protocol. I was thinking to myself. . . ..... “I'm going to go through the same things he's talking about.” Another strange moment to be sure.
But one thing has remained constant since last Tuesday when we sat in my doctor’s office and heard her say.... 'Mrs Morgan...I'm sorry it is cancer." . . . . My inner core is calm...I am at peace and I know that God has a much bigger plan for all this than I could ever imagine. I believe it makes some people feel uncomfortable when I say it really isn't as important to me whether I live or die.... what I believe is important... is how I walk this journey out. If what is happening to me somehow is able to touch and encourage someone else to want to know the hope that is in me, then God’s overall plan I believe will be filled.
I wouldn't have chosen this course for myself.. but God has.... and because so....I know it is very important in what He has designed into my life that is able to bring Him glory. So thankful for all the people who have answered the call to pray for Harold and I.... they are part of this story to help my heart and mind stay protected during those times when I may grow to weak to pray myself..... I love you my friend’s with all my heart.
****************************************
Saturday ~ February 14
I came across this verse today in Colossians 4:3-4
“Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door (opportunities) for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ.”
Thank You Lord for that perspective. . . I understand now what this season of my life is about. . . it's "The Open Door". This revelations has completely changed my outlook!
Paul valued the prayers of other Believer's. Repeatedly throughout his letters,
Paul requested prayer for himself and other’s. He desired more opportunities to share the mystery of Christ. He asked the Colossian church to pray for an open door to share the word.
* Hardships provide "Opportunities" in our
lives . . . . opportunities to Glorify God.
***********************************************
Sunday ~ February 15
It's only been 5 days since learning of the cancer diagnosis in my body and I'm still in the processing phase.... thinking of things I feel a need to accomplish.... some important things before seeing the Oncologist for the first time next week.
Think I'm still feeling a little disbelief over it all....I believe that would be a typical reaction....Like... I'll go through hours of my day without once thinking about it . . . doing my normal daily routines. . . then it will hit me that things are different about me that I didn't realize until just 5 days ago. . . . my life is going to change as the coming weeks unfold. And then God reminds me... that I'm not walking out this journey blindly trying to feel my way around in the dark....
It's like when the power goes out in your house. If it's a place you're familiar with, you can find your way around. Because you've walked that way. You've seen it in the light. If the power goes out and I'm in somebody else's house, I'm going to stumble and trip because I'm not used to the pathways there.
But in my house I know where things are: I know where the walls are; I know where the doors are, and when the power goes out I can walk. The power's gone out, some would say in terms of health for me at the moment. I’m not really in darkness, because I’ve got the light of Christ walking through it with me.
Sometimes God chooses to heal instantly; more
often, it's a journey of learning to take the truths of the Word of God and
apply them to our hearts.
Though pretty much nothing about what stands before
me do I know anything about. . . . BUT GOD knows it all! .. .. .. and will guide
me safely to the other side. I only need to hold on to Him. I can't tell you
how comforting that is!
We can't always control the things that happen to us . . .
But we can control how we will respond to
them.
In my PAST. . . God has ALWAYS been faithful! . . .
In my PRESENT He is ALWAYS good! . . .
So I'm fully confident I can trust Him with my
FUTURE!!!!
*****************************************
Dear God. . .
I NEED You EVERY day....EVERY moment ...EVERY second that I breathe.
I NEED YOU!
I'm not strong enough on my own!
Me
**********************************************
Monday ~ February 16
Remembering Sarah Vullo today....she was my dear friend and though there was 30 years difference in our ages I loved spending time with her...I Loved her so much ...we got saved a year apart.... and we loved spending hours on the phone talking about Jesus!!!... We'd laugh and cry together..... but most importantly God let us grow in Him together... and by watching my sweet friend's uncompromising, all giving love for Jesus no matter what hardships she went through.... stayed with me through out my life....
I
watched my friend Sarah get excited as she filled her purse with tracks to take to the
hospital for open heart surgery.... she knew she was going to have the
opportunity to tell everyone who came close to her about Jesus....and she
did.... along with giving them a track....LOL..... Every nurse, every
doctor...lab tech and every patient she saw... she shared the joy with them of
knowing Christ.... I learned much from Sarah.... and I remember praying years
ago.... if at any time In my lifetime I face insurmountable odds as she often
did...
I prayed I too would be able to understand that it wasn't about me...but
it was about other's who needed to know that there is a real hell to shun and a
real heaven to gain!
Staying calm will enable us to discern the steps
God will be leading us to take.
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Tuesday ~ February 17
God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty. - Peter Marshall
I believe this with all that I am.....
If you are wondering where to find this in the
Bible .. .. .. Read the Book of Job....Read Exodus,,,,Read the Epistles of
Paul!
We see things with tunnel vision....God sees everything with an eternal view....
The Bible tells us, He knew the end at the beginning....
The difficult things that He allows in our lives . . . they are not random acts...but are His most favored gifts to us.
Attached to everything that happens in our lives are specific plans by which more people than we realize will be blessed.
However God has dealt with us, he has dealt with us better than we deserve; and all in love, and for our good. Many have knowledge, but little judgment; those who have both, are fortified against the snares of Satan, and furnished for the service of God. We are most apt to wander from God, when we are easy in the world. We should leave our concerns to the disposal of God, seeing we know not what is good for us. Lord, thou art our bountiful Benefactor; incline our hearts to faith and obedience.
The psalmist will go on in his duty with constancy and resolution. The proud are full of the world, and its wealth and pleasures; these make them senseless, secure. God visits his people with affliction, that they may learn his statutes. Not only God's promises, but even his law, his percepts, though hard to ungodly men, are desirable, and profitable, because they lead us with safety and delight unto eternal life.
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STILL PROCESSING ALL OF THIS . . . . . . .
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I will remind myself that I'm not required to feel
sad just because my body has cancer!
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Wednesday ~ February 18
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Friday ~ February 20
"I want be a woman who trust that God has a divine plan . .
.
Even when I don't understand!"
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Sunday ~ February 22
FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU DECLARES THE LORD. PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU A HOPE AND A FUTURE. Jeremiah 29:11
God made this promise to the children of Israel, but it applies to all of His children. There are many things in this world that can make us fearful and can cause us to look around with alarm… that is what dismayed means here. But like Peter walking on the water, if we keep our eyes on Jesus and not the things around us, we will be filled with peace and be enabled to do what we could never do on our own.
Why does God tell us not to be afraid? Because He promises to be with us…in other passages, He tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us. God is our protector and if He is for us, who can be against us? We can be calm, hopeful and confident, because no matter what we face, the God that holds and sustains the universe in His righteous right hand, is holding us…He is strengthening us…He is helping us. If we could see God in the flesh standing with us, we would not be afraid of anything…so we must act as though we see Him… that’s what faith is all about!
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When the situation seems impossible and the outcome uncertain, remember these important instructions:
Act out of LOVE -- you may not get your desired outcome, but you can BE LOVING no matter what.
Act out of FAITH -- there is ALWAYS more going on than meets the eye (namely, God).
Look for The Christ in all people and situations, especially the painful ones.
And keep praying . . . ALWAYS KEEP PRAYING.
Amen!
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Father God.
We thank you for your unconditional love and for accepting us the way we are...and we thank You for loving us so much that You continually stretch and mold us, so we will grow in faith and Your grace. Thank You for using everything we go through in life to change us into Christ's image and to prepare us for eternity...we thank You that nothing we go through is ever wasted. We thank you that the pain of this life is temporary and our trials and pain are working in us things that will bring eternal glory.
As our Heavenly Father, you see the bigger picture our minds can't see or grasp now. Lord, may these things speak peace into our hearts as we pray. May they bring light to the dark places in our minds and souls. . May they bring us to the place of recognition, surrender and submission that we need to be with You. Help us to trust You enough to not pray with restrictions. So often we pray wanting our will and wanting things to be answered the way we think is best and then we lose hope, faith and trust, when our prayers aren't answered... or when they are packaged differently than we wanted.
Help us to find that place of trust in You that
knows You only want the best for Your children...help us to find peace and rest
in the choices You make for us and the answers that you give us.
You are full of love and compassion towards your children. For any who doubt that, may they remember the cross and all that Jesus went through because of His love and compassion for us. For those who doubt if You have a good plan for them, may they find renewed hope in You and Your Word. We often struggle and wrestle with You...we wrestle with questions...we wrestle with acceptance... but once we find that place of surrender, we find such peace. Lord, please help each of us to surrender the parts of our hearts and lives that are not totally yielded to You and Your will.
We ask all these things in the name of Jesus. Amen and Amen
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Tuesday ~ February 24
Tuesday ~ February 24 ~ 2:31 pm
Just a Reminder friends.... tomorrow is my first
Oncologist appointment in New Orleans for 9:30.... the weather forecast could
make our trip pretty challenging in morning work traffic.... God couldn't have
given us a better opportunity to trust Him!!!
Your prayers for traveling mercies would be
appreciated heart emoticon
((Hugs)) to all of you who have embraced our need
and pray
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February 24 ~ 11:34pm
I can't tell yawl what your comments and commitment
to pray for us means to me!!!...I'm getting ready for bed now and I feel
completely at peace.... Tomorrow will mark a new experience for Harold and I
that will probably, at some point, challenge our human limits.....but it will be
at that place we will see God greater than we do now. . .As you pray for our
hearts to stay calm and focused on what God has designed into our lives through
this!!! I Love you all
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February 24 ~ 12:25 pm
Harold......thinking of you and how hard this is
going to be for you too. I will try and make this as easy on you as possible!!!
I know this diagnosis I've been given ... you too, will daily struggle with as
well. I already see the worry in your face.
We'll just take it one step at a time.. . . The
perfect dance.
Care giver's are often the casualties, the hidden
victims. No one sees the sacrifices they make.
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Wednesday ~ February 25
7:49 am ~ ONCOLOGY VISIT
We're leaving now... I love you... Pray for our
Aubrey... We just found out she was taken to Children's Hospital an hour ago...
She has pneumonia.
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February 25 ~ 9:56 am
We are here.... Had a good drive in ... No traffic... Just misting rain! Was able to get into the Parking Garage and just take an elevator Down 3 floors to walk right in the building! Feeling totally at peace!!! And glad today is finally here! A 1000 mile Journey begins with the first step forward......I'm really glad after 2 weeks we are going forward! Waiting to be called to the back... Thank you for your prayers
Appointment with Oncologist ~ Dr Joan Gheng
There was NOT one bad part about it... The drive over there was no traffic no bad rain as forecasted the office was peaceful... and quite... no random babbling from the officer workers that you usually hear in some doctor offices... it was serene ....smelled good and felt good.... The office workers...nurses... assistants and the the Doctor were awesome and totally focused on the patients... I knew I was in the right place when I walked up to put my name on the sign in sheet and I was the first one on the list!!!! LOL...(that has never happened before.
Harold and I were calm (thank you for those special
prayers )
I love the doctor heart emoticon And she actually
is going to be the surgeon who will do the surgery as well....
She was serious about business as she explained the
cancer to us ... but also had the ability to make us feel comfortable with her
lighthearted laughter as she spoke about her children and pet puppy photo's that
we asked her about on her Office Book Shelf. . . .
She gave us a lot of information...too much to type
all out...but the most important thing was when she told me she would do the
surgery Robotically....and not actually make a long incision ....just four
little holes....it's amazing!!!! And I'll go home the next morning.... I was so
so happy to hear that....
So the scheduled surgery is set for March 24th...
There are some uncertainties right now that we will only find out after the
surgery... But God will help me cross that bridge, if necessary, when we get
there.... tonight I am feeling grateful for a day that was challenging from the
moment we awoke this morning at 6 am and finding out about our baby Aubrey
having to be hospitalized with pneumonia.... to Maddy's dangerous peanut allergy
episode this afternoon .... Because God is good all time and ALL the time God is
good!!!
